Stressfull Why?

when in this position, no one can see me even wince. Nobody is allowed to see me tear up. I can't rest my head in public. I feel overwhelmed. I feel paranoid. I feel pressured beyond belief. But i can deal with it alone. It's everything thrown into the mix that throws me off balance.

The broken bike. No car. No money. No job. feeling hopeless for all thee above.

And i just kissed the sun. I feel burned and branded. Now i'm afraid of only losing it all. What a terrible way to live. Out of fear of losing what you work so hard to claim. On one hand, I have it all... on the other i have nothing.

I feel undefined. I feel like a piece of garbage sometimes. Easily dispensable and discarded.

I encourage everyone else... who is here to encourage me? When i feel like giving up. When i feel hopeless. When my world is distorted and nothing makes sense anymore and everything i thought was isn't and everything i thought wasn't is.

But alas, nobody can see me like this... and nobody will. I'm bigger than that. At least that's what i'm supposed to be.