Noise, Rapids, and Ropes

Meditation- a word I now reflect on in it's moment of necessity.

What noise is this, in it's eerie dissonance? flooding my life. Pulling me this way and that.

Slightly detached, i see this all as a dream. And here i am, pinching myself. I miss the moments where i've smiled the most. Those moments which involved unions of reverie and reality. Those moments haunt me. I can sense it's ghost. I miss sitting outside starbucks, watching the sunset before everyone's awake. I miss those bike rides to the greenway after midnight. I miss wandering walks in deep thought. Writing in cafe's from daybreak to eventide. I miss the people who weren't confused by what I said. Understood it didn't have to make sense instead. Those sweet escapes from all that's mundane. I miss feeling emotionally pressed. I miss walking with the inane. The people who get my blood rushing. No right or wrong or feeling out of place. Just existing as a piece of humanity. Now, I seldom get that fix. My expectations are either hit or miss. Those things that bring me to life... for better or for worse. Transcendentalism, where have you gone? I've been seeking you out. Does filling my days with all of this busy work fill the gaping hole. It doesn't come close. There's emptiness. It's here. It's there. That pale ghost. Bitterness presses its lips against me.

Time itself moves faster than light.
and these days are moving much too quickly.

All that seems to cross my mind is

too much sound makes a muddy mix.
Water wears on rocks they pass.
Flexibility only goes so far. Even rubber bands snap.

Still i seem to forget. There's something I'm forgetting. A detail that makes all the difference in the world.

I forgot that all of this clamor ringing in my ear:
I was the one who turned the volume up.

This violent current running at rapid speeds:
I was the one who dived in.

This constant tug of war with me in the middle:
I handed out the ends of the rope.

I jumped out of the plane...no one pushed me. And this free fall is more than i thought it would be.

But in the midst of all this dissonance, these rapidly moving days, this stretching of all i can give...

How does one find tranquility?

Welllllllllll, all you wonderful chaps will find me laying on the floor in the middle of my room, 2:30 a.m, Chinese stress balls rolling in hand, pumpkin spice candle lit, listening to Classic Sinatra, and contemplating metaphysical abstractions.