It's A Carnival

Everywhere I turn something is different... Some kids are eating cotton candy and some are crying cause they dropped the top scoop of their icecream cone and some rides are being repaired and the ferris wheel has a really long line and some people just want to eat or play in the arcade. Some couple is holding hands and some employee is cleaning the grounds and birds, birds are flying above and some clouds are puffy and white and some are dark and dismal and noise is everywhere at this carnival and in the midst of it all there is a photographer taking pictures of different sights and attractions and groups of people and there are firebreathing performers and clown jugglers and mimes who say not a word yet their body language says everything.

and it's unreal how the sounds from the chatting and the screaming and the laughing all blend together to form the response to this one seemingly simple attraction

It's unreal to see everyone's face... to see their enjoyment and the immensity of it all....

It's unreal to see these fairgrounds being used for the benefit of society whether it's for relief, fun, excitement, meeting others, or winning some prize.

It's unreal but it's happening simultaneously and here i am, waiting at the top of the of the shakiest rollercoaster of them all... the slow ride up was pretty intimidating-this seat is cold and the buckles don't seem as tight as they should be...not to mention, not many people have ever even dared to ride before... I can almost see the whole park from up here- The initial and steepest drop is only seconds away and i can feel my seat edging over as a teaser... There's nothing I can do to prepare for these coming corkscrews, loops, quick turns, and drops and I wonder what my picture will look like half way through the ride...All i can do is make sure i'm strapped in, hold my breath, raise my hands up high, laugh for comic relief and hereee weee .....

"Ring Ring"

There is a call to see something more important than what I've already seen before. To feel something more meaningful. To be something more encompassing. This presses me to continuously press on. That is the wind that hits my sails.

Verbal Slave Drivers

putting a limitation on another is what slavery is all about.

People are often verbally enslaved by others. Enslavers will use phrases like "you will never blank" or "you are this" or "you don't blank."

If one doesn't have a firm grasp on what they truly are, they can easily be verbally enslaved by taking phrases like those listed above to heart.

Verbal enslavers believe they know what they are saying is right without a shadow of a doubt. OR, they know what they are saying isn't true, but say it as a means of control or to watch negative effects on another. Thus they are the types of people who will argue until they get the "last word."In all reality, the enslavers are the ones enslaved. They feel hurt and limited and feel the need to take that out on others.

A victim of this abuse can only look away and smile, appear dumb and belittled to the enslaver, but be free mentally and emotionally.

Stressfull Why?

when in this position, no one can see me even wince. Nobody is allowed to see me tear up. I can't rest my head in public. I feel overwhelmed. I feel paranoid. I feel pressured beyond belief. But i can deal with it alone. It's everything thrown into the mix that throws me off balance.

The broken bike. No car. No money. No job. feeling hopeless for all thee above.

And i just kissed the sun. I feel burned and branded. Now i'm afraid of only losing it all. What a terrible way to live. Out of fear of losing what you work so hard to claim. On one hand, I have it all... on the other i have nothing.

I feel undefined. I feel like a piece of garbage sometimes. Easily dispensable and discarded.

I encourage everyone else... who is here to encourage me? When i feel like giving up. When i feel hopeless. When my world is distorted and nothing makes sense anymore and everything i thought was isn't and everything i thought wasn't is.

But alas, nobody can see me like this... and nobody will. I'm bigger than that. At least that's what i'm supposed to be.

Action Reaction

Flatter me, and I may not believe you.
Criticize me, and I may not like you.
Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.
Encourage me, and I will not forget you.
Love me and I may be forced to love you.

-William Arthur Ward

The Map To Move By

As long as we have hope, we have direction, the energy to move, and the map to move by.

We have a hundred alternatives, a thousand paths and an infinity of dreams.

Hopeful, we are halfway to where we want to go;
Hopeless, we are lost forever.

Leader...Why?

i asked myself today... Why do i like taking responsibility. Why do i like leadership positions?

a.) it helps me build character and grow
b.) it lets me live a life full of fulfilled desires, dreams, and emotions
c.) it gives me the opportunity to make a positive impact in peoples' lives
d.) it's challenging and keeps me on my toes
e.) A good leader knows he or she is not the perfect leader... A leader is who i want to be. Always striving to be the best. Consistently striving for integrity. That is what it is all about. The striving. The effort. The desire to be something more. Aiming for a target and taking a shot. The experience. The rush. This is a tricky one to understand but crucial all the same. i like the responsibility not just because it tells me who i am, but rather it shows me who I could become.
f.) In every way it benefits me, i want to see others achieve those benefits themselves. Most importantly, i lead because i want to see others learn to take responsibility. i want to see others lead. i want to see others grow.