Spinning

rivers. Rocks. narrow passageways. Dreams of fallen leaves. Sanity. Despair. Melancholy. Missing items. Missing friends. Missing. When everyone seems like an acquaintance. Nobody knows about the physical surgeries. Nobody knows about the mental surgeries. No time to even write it down. My family is quiet. My room is quiet. The world is quiet and unaffecting me. I've accomplished great things. I've grown. I've loved. I've lusted. I've drowned. Meaning. Missing meaning. Purpose. Needing purpose.

It's as though I've decided to spin spin spin spin in circles this entire year. And for this moment, one moment, i'm stopping. I'm nauseous. I'm disoriented. Every step i take forward now i stumble and i can't even focus on which way is straight. I can't see 2 feet ahead since everything else is still spinning around me.

Do i sit until i find my bearings? Do i remain standing and trudge through the dizziness? Do i wait for someone to put their hand on my shoulder?

This field I'm in is huge and no one will ever bother me as i spin away. I can spin until i die. But that's not what i want. It has seemed fun at first, but too much of anything will kill.