An Act of Thievery

Dear Bike Thief,

First off, i gotta hand it to you. You took my bike while i was in the comfort of my own home. Asleep! fassstt asleep.

just a little background history...348 days. That's how long i owned my Blue Power Climber to be exact. It got me to school and back. To the grocery store and back. To the downtown square and back. To work and back. On late night adventures. On early morning exercise excursions. Blue Power Climber was wonderful to me!

...till this morning of course. Sometime between 11 pm and 11 am you stole my bike.

Now to get things straight. I respect you're lifestyle of thievery and unkindness. Without it, would good people really be "good"? i dont think so.

However, you stole a bike from someone who WILL hunt you down. I have filed my little police report but they aren't gonna do anything. I'm not stupid bike thief. I'm not. Police will make little to no effort to find MY Blue Power Climber in this college town where millions of students have bicycles. Bicycles similar to mine. Bicycles similar to the one you stole.

Therefore, i'm taking it into my own hands to assure justice in a situation YOU carelessly created.

You stole from the wrong person Bike Thief. It's not IF i find you. It's WHEN I find you. Blue Power Climber has broken brakes on the left handel bar. Plus, theres a lock on the bike. Cant seem to get that lock off can you? maybe cause it's kevlar. Kevlar is the stuff that they make bullet proof vests out of. I'm the only one with the key Bike Thief. The only one.

Keep it, sell it, store it, whatever! do whatever you please with Blue Power Climber. Mark my words though Bike Thief. Whether it takes days, months, or the rest of my college life to track you down; i will have vengeance. Sweet Vengeance.

I think Sweeney Todd said it best.

"and i will get you back even as you gloat, in the meantime i'll practice on less honorable throats."

sincerely,
innocent victim