Back To School Autobiography

Welp, at the conclusion of my first week of school, i've decided to recount the wonderful/strange events of the past 7 days. Kinda as a highlight reel.

I met someone who is potentially my bestest bud up to date in life. We met making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the KUC before buying her school books. Afterwards we walked around campus where festivities were randomly going on in honor of incoming freshmen. We waited in line for balloon animals. I got a penguin with a fishing pole whom i named Mumbles, and she got a jelly fish hat. Then we got the sign of the ancient god Horus painted on our faces (hers glittery, mine not so glittery thank you very much.) She then took me out to eat and afterwards to her home ; ) Would have never guessed she's a divorced 26 year old self employed mother!

Next event off the top of my head. My philosophy professor Principe gave me a first assignment to read - a "meaning of life" story about sperm. The professor said "Um" 124 times the 1st day of class (i really did count) and hops up and down when trying to emphasize his point.

Moving on - I attempted to sweet talk Admissions into giving me in state tuition which was a terrible idea seeing how i'm decent at writing and terrible at talking. So my sweet talk probably came across as a bomb threat or something. I dunno. Regardless i'm still gaining 14k tuition debt per year and lovin it (hint of sarcasm.)

In other news (you'll get the pun in a second) I started writing for the school newspaper this week. and then 3 days later quit haha. I realized that work plus school plus Songwriting group+recording industry group+Article writing was pushing the envelope. Just a little.

I rented my textbooks online for really cheap and the people plant trees for every book i rent/sell from or to them. I planted 6 trees in total : ) and i also inspired someone else to do the same.

Notable Kitchen Messes:
-My friend Carter tried opening wine with a knife. I walked back into the kitchen and it looked like someone got shot with a machine gun.
(approximately 10 minutes to clean)
-Laundry detergent, to my knowledge, spontaneously combusted and left about 40 laundry loads worth of detergent in a pleasant pile.
(approximately 20 minutes to clean yet the smell lingers)

The final hour of my week:
1. Ina Marshall stood me up for waffle house for like the eighth time! (sorry ina, i've now lost hope and believe our plans for going to waffle house is just a mythological conception that could only exist in some perpendicular universe)

2. The ATM machine ate my ATM card....and shredded it....to pieces. Reason being......???

3. A beetle ran up the backside of my shirt and i ran around the room like a girl throwing off my shirt and looking in the mirror for the offender whom i quickly murdered and threw off the balcony.

4. I decided to write a facebook note which would not come into effect till 3 am like usual.

I wonder if anyone will read this autobiography. If so, why would you do such a thing?

yours truly,
person who wants either a motorcycle or 250 cc scooter.